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BRAY X 5 JOURNEY THROUGH THE WORLD OF THE WEIRD AND THE WONDERFUL

THINGS TO DO AT THE AIRPORT

OK, you have to read this FIRST...

This is the premise.....

We sat on the balcony at Terminal 3 at Heathrow, directly under one of the speakers as the roof is low. We put the DAT machine in our bag with the microphone poking out of the top. We'd look for a flight that'd arrived in the last 40 minutes from somewhere where you'd expect mental names, then wrote a letter saying "Could you go and pick up etc. etc.  from flight, etc". That way, it looked like it'd been arranged in advance as the flight arrival details were written on the note.

We also wore an ID-style badge and carried a mobile so that we looked like taxi drivers. The we went to the information desk and got the names read out. One of us would get the first one read out and then the other did the second. We pretended to be unable to pronounce it and then hand them the bit of paper with the name written on it. Long winded, but well worth it! 

Now, to see why we did it, these are the names we wrote down:

1.   Arheddis Varkenjaab and Aywellbe Fayed 2.   Arhevbin Fayed and Bybeiev Rhibodie 3.   Aynayda Pizaqvick and Malexa Kr-est 4.   Awul Dasfilshabeda and Nowaynayda Zheet 5.   Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DeBahzted 6.   Steelaygot Maowenbach and Tuka Piziniztee "

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And this is what they sound like:

Airport 1   "I hate this fucking job, and I will be fired."

Airport 2   "I've just been fired, and bye-bye everybody."

Airport 3   "I need a piss quick, and my legs are crossed."

Airport 4   "Oo-ah, that's better and now I need a shit."

Airport 5   "My colleague just farted, and left the room, the bastard."

Airport 6   "Still, I got my own back and took a piss in his tea."

We got rumbled doing the "My colleague just, etc". They actually threatened to arrest us as apparently they'd actually had complaints over the previous weeks from real names! We were toying with doing it again just to see what they'd arrest us for, but we rang Chris and all he said was, "go to Gatwick!". This is the reason the last one sounds so crap 'cos Gatwick is a much noisier place and the ceilings are high, and it was difficult to get near a speaker.

The lengths we had to go to...